May 25, 2004

Nothing’s cooler than you ever imagined

At least tell me you believe in Truth.
I don’t. Not like that.
Well, admit that words have meanings.
They don’t have meanings, meaning is between them not possessed by them.
Words don’t mean things?
You believe in nothing!
Yes, but nothing’s so much cooler than you ever imagined.

1 My taste in art cuts humanity into two categories. At least, the sort of humanity that comes in contact with the art on my walls or the music in my stereo or the books on my self are immediately overwhelmed into one of two responses: some version of disbelief and disgust at the ugliness, or a twinkle and grin at identifying a con, that is, a rupture in the tyranny of the perfect.

2 My mother’s friends are reporting grandchildren and good jobs and get funny looks of concern and confusion when they find out I’m doing nothing.

3 What was that? I ask.
Oh, he says, I was just shot by jealousy.
What is this, I say, how can people be jealous of me? I have less than you do. I have nothing. How can I be so obviously not competition and still be forever found threatening?
I don’t know, he said, it’s just that like you talk and everyone’s listening and maybe I know more about the subject than you do but they’re listening to you and laughing at you and I can’t say anything. You’re just better than I am.
I don’t know what to do, I say, I can’t see myself as threatening. I’ve got nothing.
Yeah, but you’ve got nothing to lose.