Jan 26, 2005

Returned in '05

I'm here. I'm in: re-enrolled, re-admitted, recycled, dropped out of "drop out," with two semesters left to a BA in philosophy (thinking seriously about grad school).

It's a little odd, me still sustaining disbelief at coming through, coming over 5 impossible hurdles, walls that could've and logically should've kept me out. I see the clock tower, at the end of the street lit up for the night, and am surprised at its presence, at my presence.

When I was last here, I had a nightmare every night, dreams of wrestling angry to the ground with my father, my brother. I'm keeping my head down now, ducked down out of the way, out of the attacking windmills visor.

I need a job. And a place to live. It's snowing again.

I'm taking almost all requirements, Latin and the like. And mimetic theory, Girard's lit crit and anthropology idea of human relations as serial imitations in a triangle, with a prof who wasn't here when I left and gets too excited teaching his topic to answer questions.

How does one become someone who strange things happen to? How does one become someone who beats long odds?

Everyone's really respectful to you, differential. At parties it's like hey! hey! - Silliman (nodding) - hey! hey!

'S just because I'm back from away,
I say, but he's right. It's more than that. It was true before. But I don't know why.