Be thou my
Not nervous, but not not nervous, but something else: jangley.
Jang-jang-jangley, like jittery and hopped-up jumpy, with the sound of my heart beating bumpy, the sound of nerves tin-tattering screeching pulsing and pump pumping as I stood there in a suit, waiting for her to come down.
I couldn't see her but only the movement, the movement of white and walking, the movement of heads and hushed turning and thoughts talking there she / there she / there she is. From behind me sang Be thou my vision and she walked slow, walked slow, walked slow and stately stepping strong foot and flowers forward and I couldn't see past the heads and the crowds craning around to see. I couldn't see down the aisle where she was coming to me, couldn't see down the church, down the stainglassed space to where she was and I stood there, standing still not nervous, but inside jump-jump and jangling.
And then she was there and she smiled, through the veil, and I took her hand in mine.
Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worst, returned.
ReplyDeleteI remember feeling almost the same thing on my wedding day, but as soon as I saw my husband standing at the front of the church all the jangley feeling went away.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is such a wonderful thing. My warm congratulations to you.