The trick, he says from personal experience, is losing your secrets.
"You cannot keep the secrets," he says. "And we hide our secrets because we're terrified. We're terrified that if we let somebody in there we will lose the little bits of light and grace that we've managed to scrabble together, you know, by working so hard. Because if they know the truth of course, they'll hate us as much as we do. And at the same time if somebody brings into our world the possibility of grace, the possibility of forgiveness, the possibility of kindness, we don't believe them, because they don't know our secrets. So we're absolutely trapped by our secrets."